How do you do?

I was walking in the hotel Cocoanuts today, and what do I find? I find-a my partner eating the telephone at the desk! I tell you this guy's-a crazy! Then he get sick from eating it. I know he was-a hungry, but I would not eat the telephone. He could have just eaten the flowers on the desk! I don't know why he's a-wasting his time like that. We came to Florida to get rich! We need to get busy! I go up to my partner and I say to him,

"What's-a matter for you? All the time you eat! That's-a no good. We got to get the money! Right now I'd do anything for money. I'd kill somebody for money. I'd kill you for money!"

My partner, he's-a so easy to fool. He getta scared when I say that, so I reassure him and say,

"Ah, no. You're my friend. I kill you for free."

That make my partner feela whole lot better. But, we still gotta problems! I tell my partner that he needs to getta working! I say that we've been in the hotel for three whole hours, and he no steal nothing. At that rate, we would end up even more poor than we came in the hotel! I would have to end up stealing-a from him! But my partner, he's-a smart. He show me that he already stole a beautiful gold watch! But we've been in-a the hotel for THREE hours, not one. I ask him if it was all that-a he steal. But he no answer. A strange tall man come in the door. He look-a suspicious to me. My partner and I were-a sure that he was a detective. So we start to walk away like-a we no do nothing wrong. But this detective, he catch us, so we have to stop. Then the detective open up his coat and show us his badge. My partner open up his coat and show the detective his bottle of whiskey. Then the detective speak:

"Say, I think I know you're face!"

"I give up. Whose is it?"

"I'll tell ya in a minute. I brought some pictures from headquarters. Let me see your face."

My partner, being the good theif he is, made one of his-a gookie disguise faces, so the detective wouldn't know who he really was. Then the detective ask to see my face. I was about to make-a my own gookie face, when my partner try to help me. This-a make me mad. I can make-a my own face! So my partner, he push me. I ask him why he push me? He no answer, so I push him back. '

"A roomble-a fachi! You wanna fight? Come on! Start! Come on!"

So I we get-a ready to fight. He kick me in the pants and I swing at him, but I miss him. I tell him to call his shots. We get ready to fight again. He kicks me in the pants again!

"Hey! Ats-a matter you no fight upstairs?! Come on!"

We get ready to fight again, but the detective, he pull us apart.

"Hey! What are you guys fighting for?"

"We no fight. That's-a my friend. We play this way."

"What are you doin' around here?"

My partner, being the smart guy he is, doesn't answer him. He just leans into the detective and makes-a the horn he wears honk.

"What's your name?"

He does-a the same thing.

"I'm pretty suspicious on you birds!"

This time when-a my partner does it, he steals the handkerchief from the detective's pocket with his teeth.

"Now listen to me. I haven't got anything on you yet. But I'm going to keep watching. I've got your full records right here in my pocket. There's enough to send you up the minute you start anything. You get me?"

Then-a the detective walk away. I turn to my partner and say,

"Wise guy. Wise-a guy, eh? Gotta start a fight when-a the detectvie some around. You can't wait a little bit. Huh?"

Then my partner starts to take something out-a of his pocket. I ask him what it is. He shows it to me, and I see that it's a badge!

"A badge! Ha ha ha! At's-a fine! He's a no more detective. You detective!"

Today I was walking about the hotel, looking for a pocket to pick out of, when Mr. Hammer called me over to him.

"Come over here, I want to see you. Now, listen to me. I'm not going to have that red-headed fellow running around the lobby. If you want to keep him up in the room, but you'll have to keep him in a trap."

"You can't catch him"

"Who is he?"

"He's-a my partner, but he no speak."

"Oh, that's your silent partner. Well, anyhow, you sired me about some property. I've thought it over. Now, I can let you have three lots watering the front, or I can let you have three lots fronting the water. Now, these lots cost me nine thousand dollars, and I'm going to let oyu have them for fifteen, because I like you."

"I no buy-a nothing. I gotta no money."

"You gotta no money?"

"I no gotta one cent."

"Well how are you going to pay for your room?"

"Thatsa your lookout."

"Oh. You're an idle rumor?"

"Well you see, we come-a here to make-a money. I read-a in the paper, "Big Boom in Florida." So we come. We're a couple-a big booms too."

"Well I'll show you how you can make some REAL money. I'm going to hold an auction in a little while in Cocoanut Manor. You- you know what an auction is?"

"I come from Italy on the Atlantic Auction."

"Well, let's go ahead as if nothing happened..."

How do you do?

Today my partner and I went to Florida. We saw an ad in the newspaper that said, "Big boom in Florida". So we go. We're a couple of big booms too.

When we to the hotel, of course my partner starts a-chasin' the women, so I gotta keep him away from them. Then we meet the owner of the hotel, Mr. Hammer and we give him the runaround.

"Now, what do you want? Explain your business."

"We send you telegram"

"Oh! You're the boys that sent the telegram."

"How do you do?"

"That's a coincedence. I used to send telegrams myself. And how are you?"

"Honk!"

While my partner eats a snack of the bell boy's buttons, I talk to Mr.Hammer about a room. 

"We want a room and no bath"

"Oh I see. You're just here for the winter. Well, step this way and I'll see what I can do for you."

"Alright. We stay for the summer too."

"I'm sorry boys, but we haven't got any vaccancies."

"He's got no vacancies"

"We've got plenty of rooms."

"That's all right. We take a room. You want a room?"

"Honk!"

"Alright, we take a vacancy."

"Boy. Take the gentlemen's baggage."

During our struggle to keep the bell boy from taking our suitcase from us, it flys open. Mr. Hammer informs us that our suitcase is empty. We reassure him that it we be full it up before we leave. He reassures us that we'll empty it before he leaves...